Forget Yourself and Go To Work!

Friday, February 8, 2007

So… I have a funny little story to tell you.  When I heard the punch line of this story, I thought it was so funny that I laughed … I laughed until I cried.  And I haven’t stopped crying since.

To start, let me explain that I am writing this on Friday, February 8, 2008.  I won’t be posting this until Sunday, February 17… but we’ll get to that.

For the last few years, I have been serving in the YW presidency.  I have loved serving with the young women; they are amazing girls!  I have loved serving with the other leaders; they are amazing women!  But for several months, I have felt the Lord preparing me for a change.  At first, it terrified me.  I was panicked at the thought of being released and not being with the Young Women anymore.  I knew I was being prepared for something that I wouldn’t necessarily want.  I felt pretty sure that I was going to be asked to teach one of the adult classes: totally intimidating to me, totally out of my comfort zone.  Slowly over time, I came to accept it. 

Two nights ago, I was asked to meet with the bishop.  This was it.  I gave myself a little pep talk: I know, love, and trust my bishop.  I know that he wouldn’t extend a calling that he hadn’t prayed about before hand.  I trust the Lord.  If the Lord wants me to be a teacher, I know that He will help me to do my best and my best will be good enough.  There is a reason for everything.  I will not say “no”.

I sat across from the bishop and he told me this hilarious punch line: The Lord wants you to be the new Relief Society President.

Get it? LOL  I told you it was funny!!!  It had me laughing!  I knew he was totally pulling my leg.  It was just what he was saying so that when he asked me to be a teacher, I would be relieved.  It had to be… except, he wasn’t laughing.  And then he repeated it.  And I realized, it wasn’t all that funny after all.  In fact, it sounded more like a horror story all of a sudden.  And I went into shock.

So, I switched from laughing to crying.  And I don’t think I really stopped crying until earlier today when I had to be seen in public and couldn’t let anyone know that there was anything going on.  *Interesting side note: I’m an ugly crier.  Really, I am.  Puffy, red eyes, blotchy face… it ain’t pretty.  But somehow, during the last couple of days, no matter how hard I had just cried my eyes out, as soon as I needed to go out in public, I didn’t look like I had cried at all!  That has NEVER worked for me before and to tell you the truth, I consider it a “tender mercy” of the Lord. J

So here I sit, overwhelmed and feeling totally inadequate for the task that lies before me.  I keep thinking, “Why on earth would the Lord choose ME?”  I don’t know.  But I have felt the confirmation that for whatever reason, He has chosen me.  It is the most humbling experience I have ever been in.  It’s also the most terrifying.  I have now had my first anxiety attack.  Seriously.  And I’m still in it.  It isn’t fun.  I don’t recommend it.  I’ve been shaky for two days and I’ve got a tightness in my chest that won’t go away.  I’ve also dropped a couple pounds due to my inability to eat, all of a sudden.  That part, I can live with – I could use to lose a few more. ;)  Though, I have a feeling I won’t be much use to the Lord if I haven’t had any nourishment, so I doubt that will last long.

One of the hard parts about getting a new calling is how secret it has to be until it’s announced.  And the hard part about this calling is that it won’t be announced for over a week.  I have to pretend like I don’t have a care in the world for over a week, when in reality, I’m freaking out! 

I am aware that I am not the poster child for what a Relief Society President is “supposed” to be.  I know that I am young(ish) and pretty inexperienced.  (Not to mention, I don’t know how to sew, can, or plant a garden, and my house is never completely clean.) But I love and trust the Lord.  I know that He knows all of my weaknesses and since He knows them, He can help me with them.  I know that He loves the sisters in my ward and He wouldn’t just drop the ball and call me to this calling if He wasn’t going to be able to prepare a way for me to actually do it.  I can’t do this calling.  But the Lord can do anything.  So, I am putting all of my faith and trust in Him.  I know that with His help, I can do anything, too.

And that’s where I stand right now.  It’s taken me two days to get to the point where I had the courage to even write any of this down.  Hopefully, by the time I’m actually called, sustained, and set apart, I will have the courage to stand in front of a group of women who are greater than me, and express my love for them, desire to serve them, and prayer that I will be who they need me to be as their president.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

And now it’s Sunday and I have one week left before it’s official.  Ryan gave me a blessing Friday night and my anxiety attack just disappeared.  I still feel overwhelmed and scared out of my mind but I can breathe now, and that’s a plus. ;)

It was really hard to go to YW knowing that it was for the last time. 

The current RS president told me that she has been waiting for the release to take place but it has taken longer than she expected.  I just realized this weekend, that two weekends ago two things happened that made me “eligible” for this calling, where before I wouldn’t have even been considerable: 1) Rori turned 18 months and is now in Nursery, leaving me child-free during the last two hours of church.  And, 2) Ryan’s new position went into affect and he is now on a “normal” work schedule.  Prior, he worked such long days, including every Saturday, that it would have made it near impossible for me to fulfill this calling. 

It is just one more thing that shows me just how much the Lord is in control of everything.  He really does see the big picture and is orchestrating it all just right for us. 

Saturday, February 16, 2008

I have to admit that I have tried to just not think about the full weight of this calling much yet.  Which is fine since so far it really isn’t mine… yet.  I’m nervous about tomorrow when it really will be and then I won’t be able to pretend that it isn’t.  But the good news is, I have felt the support of the Lord during this time and I know that He will be there to help me even more once I’m set apart.  I’m SO GRATEFUL for that! 

I am especially grateful to the sisters who have accepted the call to serve as my counselors and secretary.  I don’t know if they will ever really know how much I appreciate them for their willingness to serve with me! 

The other night I was reading the Ensign and started to feel the familiar feeling of panic as I thought of this new calling and all the responsibilities that come with it.  I again had these questions swimming in my mind: How will I be able to do this?  How can I be the one that the Lord wants?  How will I be able to serve these women and provide whatever it is that they will need? 

And it dawned on me.  All I have to do is be their friend.  All I have to do is sincerely love them and want to serve them.  And yes, it is daunting to think of doing that for 250 women.  But I don’t have to do it all at once and I don’t have to do it all alone.  One at a time, as each need arises, all I have to do is love and serve them. 

Well… I can do that!  I know how to be a friend!  I have had wonderful friends that have been perfect examples of that to me.  And I’ve had a little practice being a friend already. ;)  So that’s what I’m gonna try to do: Trust the Lord, follow the promptings of the spirit, and be a friend to each of the sisters in my ward.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

And that would bring us to today.  I don't know that I've ever been more scared to go to church. lol  But we made it and I was doing alright until the releases and new callings were being announced.  I just started shaking and felt so weak, it was about all I could do to stand up when they called my name.  And then I nearly collapsed back into my seat and I just cried.  I feel the weight of this calling and it's big.  I am so thankful that our bishop did not ask us to say a few words because I'm not sure I would have been able to, even if I had wanted to!

Immediately after I was sustained, a sister in front of me turned and told me I would do great.  I don't even know who she is!  But I felt so much gratitude and love for her at her kindness and support.  I will need to take a moment when I see her again to tell her that.  Right after Sacrament Meeting, several sisters offered so me their hugs and vocal support.  Their words are such a comfort to me!

I feel that I really need to remember this and how much kind words of encouragement can do for others.  Sometimes I think that it would be silly of me to offer words of comfort and support to someone, especially someone I don't know very well, wondering how much could it really help?  But now that I've truly felt the strength that comes from it, I need to be sure to do that for others more often.

My presidency and I have been called, sustained, and set apart.  And now it will be time to get to work!  I think of the words that President Hinckley's father wrote to him while he was serving his mission, "Forget yourself and go to work!"  So that's what I'm gonna try to do.